Self proclaimed internet relationship expert/guru Derrick Jaxn recently was promoting his new book Heal Together Without Hurting Each Other. This book like most of his work is specifically aimed at Black women, in hopes of teaching them the art of forgiveness and moving forward when dishonor occurs in the relationship. Perhaps he was attempting to do early damage control or self promotion to prove his methods are tried and tested(at least for now in his marriage) because a few days later allegations of his cheating and infidelity with multiple women surfaced.
Earlier this week the apology tour began with Jaxn(who identifies as a Christian) doing a Instagram video with his wife, who did not speak and looked rather uncomfortable with him holding her hand very tightly while wearing a hair bonnet. Of course this has led to multiple questions and many people wondering if sis is alright and was forced to do this for Jaxn’s own gain, and why do these self-righteous experts keep trying to make bank from a life they aren’t in fact living themselves?
It seems that within the Black Christian community every year a cheating allegation from very prominent experts or pastors surfaces. And for some they quickly become repeat offenders. Last year Pastor John Gray of Relentless Church in Greenville, SC was caught once again cheating on his wife of 10 years and mother of his two children, Aventer Gray, with an alleged mistress. This was his second cheating allegation within two years. And like Derrick Jaxn, Gray’s recent mistress provided plenty of proof to show that he wasn’t being the man of the cloth he was selling to the public.
Many of these so called experts have often boasted themselves as Christian, God fearing men, who seem to have an elevated sense of entitlement and knowledge in identifying problems women have in relationships but rarely seem to identify their own problems and shortcomings until caught and put on full display. Usually by the mistresses themselves. These experts and pastors also tend to be overtly critical of men who are cheaters and serial cheaters, and often state that a man who disrespects their partner by cheating really can’t be called a man. So when they are caught in said acts what do they call themselves? Why can’t they live what they expect people to bankroll their life for? And perhaps more importantly, why do they expect women to extend the olive branch of forgiveness every time.
Recently New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host Luvvie Ajayi Jones posted a video stating that men like Jaxn will stand by the “use of religion to subjugate women and weaponize women’s sexuality.” Jones further states her point by saying “people will use and evoke God’s name to tell a woman to stay in a relationship that is harming her, traumatizing her, who will abuse her and then she is expected to ride or die. Why? Because of Christianity and Jesus?”
Luvvie concludes her video empowering women to understand that forgiveness and self preservation can co-exist and that we do not have to sacrifice our life, happiness, or well being in order for that to be attained because Jesus sacrificed his life so we wouldn’t have to sacrifice ours. She concludes stating that someone needs to hold a “F*ck Boy Revival” with prayer and fasting so women can be free of the notation that being a good Christian woman doesn’t mean you have to take continual disrespect from your partner.
As said many times before, time will only tell if these men are going to live up to the expectations they preach and demand from other men, and if a mass amount of people will continue the financial support they’ve become accustomed to. More importantly time will tell if their wives will continue to stand by them throughout their multiple character fails, public embarrassment and blatant disrespect of their marriages.