Hello Queen!!! We are so excited to have the opportunity to talk with you today!!! – Please share with our readers more about yourself as an individual. Where are you from and what was life like for you as a child?
My name is Octavia Walker, I’m originally from Joliet, Illinois but raised in Kansas City, Missouri. Life for me as a child growing up was balanced in a dysfunctional way. I grew up on survival, yes I had a mom and step dad but I had material love not emotional love, so I had to learn to love myself on an internal level throughout my adult years.
How did you process/navigate through your childhood traumas back then? Did you have any outlets for support or release?
Growing up in a home of verbal and physical abuse, I thought that was love. I didn’t speak about anything I saw in my home because I was raised on what goes on in my house stays in my house. So I was afraid to speak on the abuse that took place. I sometimes would cry in my room, run away or act out in school due to the drama that was going on at home.
As an adult and ex-wife of an abusive man, would you mind sharing some of your experiences with abuse, such as what you went through, how you were treated and even some initial signs you may have saw earlier on?
The things that I ignored in the early stage of my relationship with my ex-husband was a total red flag that could have saved me, but I attracted my ex because I was broken at the time so I attracted brokenness.
The first time I experienced physical abuse was June 13th 2021. It was my Birthday and it was me, my ex-husband and his cousin in the car, my ex had been drinking and I was telling him that he had been drinking too much and let’s call it a night. That’s when I knew he was abusive, but I stayed.
Talk to us about the concept of marrying what you never wanted in a partner? How did you deal with that realization once you were awake in the moment?
When I got married I knew that I did not want a man like my step-dad. I didn’t want to experience the level of abuse that my mom had to encounter. I wanted a protector, a best friend, a provider. Someone that I felt safe with, but I did feel safe. It was the toxic safe that I was adopted too.
What was your process of finally physically leaving your abuser? Were you afraid? And what were some initial steps taken to put the plan into action?
When I decided to leave, I was scared of the unknown, I tried to get him to go to counseling, I asked him if he was afraid to lose me and he said no. So that’s when I knew he was never going to change, either he was going to continue to hurt me and something wind up happening to me or the narcissist abuse was going to continue. So I started to pray, pray, pray. I was really crying out to The Most High, I put God to a test and asked God to save me and I will never go back If God gave me another chance with life and a fresh start. So my spirit started telling me to close my boutique and start giving what I can away. I started looking up hotels and places around the Atlanta area, I got my car serviced, talked to my kids and told them they were leaving and were never coming back. I did just that, I woke up at 5am May 16th, removed my kids from school, packed what I could fit in my car and left and I’ve been gone since and never looked back.
What do you say to women who feel trapped in their abuse? Do you have any tips or strategies for planning to leave or even for first mentally accepting the need to separate?
I felt trapped, I felt scared and alone, but I wasn’t alone. I was used to the abuse, I was used to the toxic environment and the gaslighting. The love bombing, the unhealthy love. The best advice I can give someone that feels trapped in their abuse is, trust in yourself to know that you deserve you. You deserve a healthy love but it starts within, you deserve to learn how to love you so you can give love. A hurt person can not love another hurt person, but a hurt person can hurt you. So when you look in the mirror everyday and you sit in that mirror, are you looking at the woman that’s living in her truth. If not then it’s time to go.
Please talk to us about your children? What was the environment like for them before you left vs now that you’re safe? What’s your advice with communication to the children throughout this experience?
My children are my strength on why I decided to walk away, I didn’t want them to experience an unhealthy homelife like I did growing up, so I decided to remove them from that. My son is a mama baby, so whenever me and my ex was loud in the home or my son thought that he was going to do something he was right there and he was nine years old. My daughter 15 at the time always stayed in her room with her earbuds in, so she kinda silenced the noise. My daughter was tired, I could tell.
How has YOUR life changed since leaving? What have been some of the biggest rewards for you personally and what have been some of your biggest challenges?
My life has changed for the better. I now understand what peace feels like, for me leaving a narcissist relationship is not easy. It’s a journey and it’s tough. I get weak and break down at times, I had to give myself grace and forgiveness for allowing myself to be in a situation that could have taken my life. I had to take accountability for accepting the things that I knew I had no business accepting due to my brokenness.
Right now I’m happy, I’ve accepted my past and I have a fresh start.
Octavia Walker
Talk to us about healing. Now that you and your babies are safe, what does healing look like and how are you maintaining your mental health and wellness?
Healing is a never ending process, I could not start my healing process if I was still in contact with him, so I had to release any and everything that was attached to him. I had to delete the call log, I deleted pictures and anyone that was associated with him. I sometimes find myself daydreaming of the good about him and I sometimes break down but I remind myself that was the beginning of the love bombing. I remind myself on how far I have come and where I came from. I remove myself from anything that triggers my healing process, not just from him but from my childhood trauma also.
I don’t listen to certain music, I watch what and who I follow on social media, who I entertain and what phone calls I accept. I don’t talk to anyone that tries to bring up my past. I have more talks with my children about loving their self and what to allow in a friendship and how to protect their space and mental heal. If it doesn’t feel right follow that first. I’m happy that me and my babies are in a healthy, safe, peaceful space now.
What’s next for you!?!? – What’s happening in business and how do you plan to incorporate your experiences into your future journey and purpose walk? How can readers connect and keep in touch?
I’m excited about my life, I have started multiple business ventures since I’ve been here. I have a online Hair line called BoujiHair I started a tictok channel called @Godanointedone where I speak on loving yourself and healing. I have a Cleaning company called I am Enough Cleaning, I have written a E-Book called Healing A Broken Heart which is available on Amazon.
I partnered with my business partner and we just opened a Print Shop and Content House called The White House of Atlanta in Riverdale, Ga. I’m a Co-Host on The Round Table Talk Podcast, where we discuss relationship, social media and mental health. Also we are about to launch a Podcast and business called Gold Network, which help businesses establish business credit on another level.
My journey and purpose is to help women that look just like me, understand the value of self love. How far they can go when they heal old wombs that is stopping them from their full potential. To be authentic in their truth and continue to connect with many woman around the world. I plan to continue to help women that is suffering in silence and show them that it’s life after narcissist abuse, a better one.
Anyone can reach me on all social media platform
Facebook: Octavia Walker