Every relationship should have boundaries, but how do we set them? Having boundaries is good for everyone. Setting the tone for what’s to come and what’s to be expected and what to look out for.
Boundaries help you keep your sense of identity and personal space. How do we set them? In what manner do we set them? While in familial relationships they can be hard to set at times, but what happens when you want and need to set them in a romantic relationship? Spending so much time with just one person. Giving them so much of your time and energy it just seems to overlap. All HEALTHY relationships have boundaries.
What is a boundary?
A boundary is something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.
What is a boundary that can be set in a romantic partnership?
A big one is considering each other’s feelings. Being accountable and taking responsibility for your actions. Also, one that is always overlooked for some reason, but is very important is the tone in which you speak to someone!
It’s not always what you say, it’s how you say it.
You may mean well, but how it comes across is very important. If that person feels a certain way about a disagreement sit with that person and communicate with them about their emotions. While setting limits and boundaries is always good and great, let’s not become controlling. Don’t command and restrict your partner from doing things that are not a boundary; that can become controlling.
Anything that limits or puts a pause on the other person’s safe and respectful options, can be considered as an unhealthy boundary. There’s a fine line between setting boundaries and controlling a person. A form of trying to control your partner is manipulation. There are a few manipulation tactics to look out for. One is ingratiation which is them deliberately establishing themselves in your good graces to get something from you or to get ahead. This one is very popular, guilt induction. This is when they imply something negative has happened to you because of someone else, or they may play on your insecurities to make YOU feel guilty. This also includes them playing the victim. In any partnership keep your grounds and be open-minded as well.
We are not saying don’t listen to the other person’s needs, wants, and desires. Listen, be attentive, and make a game plan for how you will attack your relationship to make sure it starts and stays healthy. Don’t take everything too seriously; go with the flow of the relationship yes, but also make each other aware of what you want and don’t want.
Consider things that turn you off and monitor what turns you on. They say communication is the key to a healthy relationship; which yes, communicate, but COMPREHENSION is key. You can talk all day, but if they don’t understand exactly what you want and how you feel then the conversation was just time wasted.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy each other, but most importantly have those tough conversations and make each other aware of what’s to be expected so that you can have a healthy relationship.